I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
Randomize
