Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
people are starting to question the shark bite story
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
Randomize
