Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
Randomize
