She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
Randomize
