i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
Too much gin, very little bucket
She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
this must be what syphilis tastes like
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
We can just chill or day drink or smoke or watch law and order marathon or play just dance 4 or watch a movie or go to the movies or play hide and seek or hug, so many options
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
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