last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
Do you have any idea how hard it is to cum to Chingy?!
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
Randomize
