Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
This past week everybody of fb either got rings or semen. All I got was Covid.
Randomize