i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
Is it cheating if its a threesome? This is more like a party game than infidelity.
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
you are the only girl i know that would bring a plate of cookies to a hook up. but they were awesome. thanks. next time cupcakes?
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