I'm so fucking centered right now
I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
if i died would you start the facebook group?
I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
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