I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
I just want school to he over so we can build a big tent, do drugs inside it, and watch cartoons until the sun comes up.
That's all I've ever wanted.
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
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