Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
We just made a drinking game out of our chemistry review. This might explain my chemistry grade.
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
i repeatedly had to ask him if he was into this because he kept talking about random things while i jerked him off. i got annoyed and in order to annoy him back, i told him i wanted to watch him do it. he also talked about basketball WHILE cumming. NEVER AGAIN.
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
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