yo I sort of want to fuck rachel maddow. but I'm not a lesbian. actually I reaally want to so maybe I am a lesbian. at least on weekdays at 9.
i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
Yeah, she'd be cute...but she has faith. It's a problem down south.
everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
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