she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
I cannot convey how much I really do love Chris Hansen. FYI: he is the JC Chasez of my adult years.
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
Randomize
