I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
In America we eat man semen.
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
How many Hail Marys does a girl need to say to get some quality nudes?
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