So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
Randomize
