guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
The airport has the best people watching and munches... It should be a destination drinking location
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
Randomize
