Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
Would fucking the college coach be against recruiting rules?
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
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