sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
pop tarts are not kleenex
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
I think people are normalizing furries
Randomize
