I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
Bret has after-school detention for writing Brianna has a stinky vag on the ground at recess.
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
I feel like I just walked the hall of shame thru the marriott. Everyone stared.
I think it was the shoes and limping. Not the sex. I could b wrong.
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
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