thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
Randomize
