remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
She's better-looking with the mask on.
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