and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
He had a curved dick....must be a european thing
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
Randomize
