am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
Yeah i mean there's 3 guys fighting over me. It would just be bitchy of me not to get with at least 1.
if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
We need a shit load of segways right now
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize
