Is that you in the white hat?
Fine suit yourself
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
Dude a gay guy just Sparta kicked this Samoan guy for calling him a flamer you need to get down here the free kamakazee shots haven't even started yet
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
Randomize
