I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
Is it a problem that I find my wife's 16 year old niece sexy?
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
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