She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
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