Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
he used the word "rubber" i just couldn't do it after that.
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
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