either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
Happiness for him is a different happiness than you can supply cuz you have life standards, morals and goals that dont include the bar or beer everynight.
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
Randomize
