No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
I guess so. I don't really give a fuck. I think I'm going to jerk off really loudly tonight just to keep them on their toes
jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
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