dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
Randomize
