I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
YOU CAN'T BASE A RELATIONSHIP OFF A PENIS
I LIKE HIS TONGUE TOO.
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
Randomize
