no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
i am craving dick and cupcakes
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
Randomize
