Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
Randomize
