Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
Randomize
