he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
momentary stint on a second floor library computer...guy next to me snorted blue adderall off his notebook through a cut straw, i cant tell if this guy is my hero or just plain crazy...
Randomize
