i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
well it can jab him in the chin so I am 100% sure he can suck his own dick
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
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