I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
Although I love the reason it was done, can you maybe not show pictures of my dick to all your friends at parties? I like to present my penis in my own special way. thanks
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
He sent a video of him jacking off....class will be awkward tomorrow
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
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