So I don't think its herpes anymore. Could be a sign of diabetes though. Is it bad that I consider getting diabetes 'dodging a bullet'?
please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Randomize
