i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
Randomize
