I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
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