I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
Randomize
