I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
Randomize
