i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
he said i balance and complete him. i feel sick
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
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