He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
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