Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
Randomize
