trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
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