haha i think we're both just down to be fuck buddies..but i do have a hickey and a bit of a big lip and fucking burns on my knees..note to self hooking up on a golf course is NOT that exciting
GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
Woke up backwards on a recliner
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
Randomize
