hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
Randomize
