I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
why do cheetos always look like penises
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
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