i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
does it still count as break up sex if it's 4 months later? sorry i'm just looking for an excuse to fuck him.
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
dude you had a hot girl interested and took shots together, as soon as it went down the hatch you upchucked on her entire existance..
successful birthday. 2012 rules
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
Randomize
