Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
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