what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
its always fun the next morning to look around the room and see where all the clothing landed.
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
50% drunk capacity currently
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
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