DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
Im tired as fuck but i cant leave him here like this i gave him the acid and i feel the responsibillity to put his mind back together its fun im an architect about to about to construct a whole new belief and moral system inside this soul. Talk about the best psychothearpy
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
Randomize
