So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
Randomize
