9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
Its like the long john silvers of colleges, I wouldnt even go there to use the bathroom
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
My ATM looks so different sober.
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
Randomize
