Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
Someone in my class is wearing shirt and on the back it says...National Bible Quiz Finalist 2006. Do you really expect me to find a guy here
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
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