Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
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