I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
Woke up in time for my 8:15
Good for you I'm impressed
I realized 10 minutes in it was a class from last semester
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
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