Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
Just did the walk of shame in front of his dad while I was wearing his gym shorts and my heels from graduation last night. Keep it classy '12
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
I did sing regulators with a random black dude at The Rail without looking at the screen, hugged him and walked off stage. I pretty much live up to all expectations.
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
Randomize
