I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
Randomize
