i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
Randomize
