I think men at large are the problem in most or all relationships. It's like trying to drag a three-legged retarded puppy through an obstacle course
Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
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