were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
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