i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
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