I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
Pants 0. Shit 1.
he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
Wow anytime a scalper has i need tix written on the back of a franzia box thats a trusted seller
We're exchanging pot brownie recipes in my substance abuse class. This is going to be an awesome 7 weeks.
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
Randomize
