you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
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