Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
dpoing straight shots of jhameson. boys are imp ressed. i apologize
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
at the bar. watching boys pee in urinals. when they come out we give them a thumbs up or a thumbs down. probbb shouldn't prop the bathroom door open with a bar stool....
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
You are in my phone as "Thigh Gap" and you apparently work for "DO NOT DRUNK TEXT, INC." That is why I called you six times last night. So unless you take a second job at "NO DRUNK DIALING LLC" expect more. PS I am sober so this is legit.
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
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