if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
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