Braces and a neon one piece. She looks 15.
i'm in love
I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
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