It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
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