Don't be scared. It'll feel very good. And you'll be clean afterwards. I'm growling right now.
I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
My hope for you over spring break is that you can be some disease free girl's random spring break mistake.
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
Our host-mom was rubbing her back sympathetically going "muy bien, chica" while she puked on the beach. So yeah, I think we got the best one.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how concerned should I be
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
Randomize
